Boudoir is intimidating enough without having to worry about predatory practices and humans that are unsafe. This is long, but it’s worth the read. I want you safe. Some of this may be common knowledge, but if even ONE tip helps protect someone, this is worthwhile. Let’s talk about what you should expect from a boudoir photographer.
1. You should expect a contract that clearly and distinctly explains how your images will or will not be used. Personally, my model release is completely separate from my service agreement because I never want a client to blindly give the permission to use any image before seeing their final set. After you’ve seen your images is the time to decide whether or not you want those images public or not. ALSO, if your photographer gives you grief about sharing your images, RUN. No means no and if they try to pressure you, they’re WRONG. If they need images that badly, they can hire a model or set something up where a model release is required. As a paying client, you don’t owe anyone the use of your images. Copyright may belong to the photographer, but in the boudoir world, it is completely unethical to use a client’s images without their permission.
2. Your photographer may prefer to shoot one on one (this is common) because usually there’s some pretty big emotional walls that you’re dealing with and that can be difficult to do with someone else watching. HOWEVER, you should NEVER be denied an escort. If you feel more comfortable having a friend with you, you should be allowed to have that comfort. If you don’t have a friend available for your session and feel the need for an escort, ask if the hair or makeup artist can stay for the session. If the photographer declines your request, RUN. It’s ok to feel safe enough to not have an escort, but it’s also ok to want an escort present for your safety.
3. There should be complete transparency about the photographer’s process. The photographer should explain to you how they work so that you know exactly what you’re walking into.
4. I believe that there should be some type of warning before touch. Example: Sometimes the photographer needs to adjust your wardrobe. Before they do it, there should be a clear, “Hey, is it ok for me to move your bra strap?” Or maybe they’re struggling with verbalizing the directions they’re giving you and need to move your leg or foot. It should be initiated by, “Hey, is it ok if I move your leg or foot?” At minimum, this should be discussed at some point during your consultation or before you start the session. The entire experience should be empowering and nothing should take you by surprise.
5. It IS normal for your photographer to discuss personal grooming ahead of your session. What’s NOT normal is for your photographer to have a preference.
6. It IS normal for your photographer to ask what level of nudity you want to display. It’s normal for them to ask if you want to display erotica. The response is where you need to pay attention. If they PUSH you in any direction – more nude, more erotica – RUN. Your comfort level dictates the session direction.
7. It is NOT normal for a photographer to ask for nudes prior to shooting with you. If they are assisting with wardrobe selection, a full length, fully clothed photo is PLENTY for them to go off of for helping you select pieces for your body type.
8. Language matters: During your shoot, it’s common to hear things like, “That’s gorgeous!” or “Beautiful!” or “That’s HOT!” Praise is ok! What’s NOT ok is sexual advances or comments that allude to wanting more than what your service agreement is set for. “That turns me on” or “You’re making me wet/hard” are unacceptable and you should immediately end the session and leave.
I want to be really clear here: Both female AND male photographers can be predators and can be inappropriate. In general, it’s recommended to meet up with the team you’re considering PRIOR to booking anything to make sure you have good vibes with them. If you have hesitations about their intentions or the way they discuss things makes you uncomfy, LISTEN TO YOUR GUT. This is such a vulnerable space and you deserve to be respected and lifted up – anything short of that is not what boudoir is for.
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